Well-meaning coaches everywhere are telling actors to treat their careers like a business. We’re told to be the “CEO of our own Company”. We’re expected to spend a minimum number of hours working hard at our business. But working towards a bottom line “at all costs” is a prescription for anxiety and depression.
It’s what happens when a person finds themself to be the only person who’s survived a tragic event. This past year, in spite of the pandemic, my auditions have surprisingly increased. Sometimes I feel guilty that I don’t feel guilty about this, so I try keep it to myself. Are you keeping the good things in your life a secret?
As soon as I came back from my family vacation, I was hit hard with non-stop auditions. In July, I had fifteen of ’em in nineteen days, including two callbacks (see video above). Some say it’s not cool to mention this when so many actors are suffering dry spells, but attempting to control other people’s feelings is a losing game.
I woke up feeling sad the other day,
but didn’t know why.
I just knew that it felt bad.
My experience wasn’t about correcting the sadness, but rather about how I judged it. I laughed as I saw the simplicity in it all. Could it really be that easy? Yes, because I felt it.
(Originally Published January 6, 2020)
My best clients delight in career surprises, and allow for life/work balance.
They understand how “sacrificing your way to success” is an outdated social lie.
“I work with committed, driven actors who know they should be doing their marketing, but aren’t.” This elevator speech doesn’t quite communicate what goes beyond my marketing and postcard work. Whether I work with someone on a simple mailing, or a three month branding program, or in Action Group, or one-on-one coaching, I share more. I share with them a glimpse of their infinite value. Stick with me for a second.
I see, I listen, and then I shine a light on the actor’s value & inner wisdom.
Once you get a glimpse of that, there’s no going back.
We don’t need motivation. All we need is a reminder of who we are: valuable, wise people. Some may say, “I know who I am. I don’t need anyone to tell me my value.” If that’s true, I ask, then why are you working so hard to prove it? Why the endless to-do lists, excessive time spent on useless research, and overkill with classes, headshots & social media? My mission statement confirms: When we rely on recognition outside of ourselves, we are seduced into traps of rule following, people-pleasing, and working “hard” to prove ourselves.
There’s so much noise going on in our heads that we can’t hear our own wisdom.
We see countless social media posts touting the efforts of “the grind” and “the hustle”. Friends regularly post memes of sweating athletes or determined celebrities who worship discipline and hard work, and anything less than that is judged as laziness or dumb luck. Those magical times when we effortlessly receive abundance – and I know you have – are dismissed it as a fluke and then we express guilt for not having worked harder. I can think of nothing more self-defeating.
It is becoming easier and easier for me to live my best life, and I invite you to learn about it in my blog. I want you to experience the ease of doing more, but working less. Or you can ask me questions in person at public events. (Info in my monthly newsletter.)
Wouldn’t you rather enjoy 2019 in a Chill New Way, as opposed to gritting your teeth through “the grind”?
Next speaking event will be January 19th, My slot: 2:30pm-3pm, at the 2019 Pilot Season Career Productivity Meet-Up.
This tree was the only thing left standing at ground zero. It defied logic, yet made so much sense. When I arrived in L.A., I only had theatre credits and two co-star roles – I had neither connections nor representation. I did, however, acclimate very quickly. The weather, the driving – I never owned a car before – and the possibilities! Unlike Chicago, I could meet dozens of casting directors face to face and no one had a preconceived idea of who I was or who I should be. That first year I booked three network TV shows and a national commercial with no agent. It defied logic.
I have always loved living on the edge, not knowing how things will turn out. I love it, because deep in my soul I know everything will always turn out fine. And now I am determined to love my way of living more than others fear it.
“When someone fears losing your affection, he or she will strive to keep it. Perhaps you have strived to keep someone’s affection, too. Fear of loss is not love.” – Gary Zukav, The Seat of the Soul
So you’ve got all of your tools in place. You’ve explored your Brand (I like to use the term, “Essence”), you’ve got your perfect headshots, your reel is up to date, you’re in class, your resume is growing. Congratulations! But there’s something no quite right. There’s this intangible part of the business that seems to open doors for everyone else, but you haven’t quite got it yet. What is that?
An actor friend of mine spoke about his early career mistakes, and it took him awhile to understand the biggest one. He had the looks, confidence and talent, but every time he left his seat in the waiting area to walk into the audition room, he said he left his soul in that seat. He didn’t know why, but he chose to leave the most authentic part of himself outside the door. Perhaps, he thought, no one wanted to see that? He thought professionalism was the ability to compartmentalize. In his mind, “Leave your sh&t outside the door” also meant “Leave your self outside the door”. He paid the price for hiding his best parts.
When I was in my twenties I knew that it was the time for making mistakes. I loved turning thirty, because I knew I was done making mistakes. Boy, was I in for a big surprise! As my mistakes continued, I mistook that for not being good enough. Thus began my downward spiral of contorting myself into a more “palatable” me. I played small and stayed safe. While my peers’ careers got sidetracked by starting families or dealing with serious life issues, my career got sidetracked by my lack of self worth.
Life immediately changes when we relax into who we are. When we relax into our own skins we no longer need to prove anything. The adolescent cry, “You don’t know me!” morphs into the quiet knowing that it’s perfectly OK if most people don’t get me. The most attractive people we know are those who know there is nothing to prove. And when we can enter the room with our whole self – free of the need to book the job and free of outside approval – doors will open.
BRING YOUR OPINIONS/QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS TOPIC TO MY TUESDAY FACEBOOK LIVE, 12PM PST